The Terror of 29th Street
~**~
A Mid-Summer's Nightmare
If I wanted to save
the life of my family, I had to do it. But, how? I've never hurt anyone, more
or less attempt murder. I let out a huge breath and took out the gun.
BOOM! I heard as I pulled the trigger. It wasn't easy. I didn't know it
would come to this, of all things. I ran for my life. I would've never done
this. The only reason was because he held my family hostage. I had to get them
back. I had to find them. The only problem is I don't know where they are. It took me a while for everything to process
through my mind. Then it hit me. I just killed someone.
~**~
"I did it. I did what you wanted me to," I pleaded to the man. "Now tell me
where they are!"
Tears ran down my
rosy cheeks. I didn't care what was going to happen to me. I just wanted my
mom, dad, and brother back. Is that too much to ask for? Prison was destined in
the near future, but before that I needed my family by my side.
The man with the
black mask handed me a small note and by the time I opened the letter, he was
gone. I never knew who he was or why he wanted me. All that was in my head at
the time was trying to get them back. I looked at the note, which consisted of letters from magazines.
I read it aloud.
520
29th St.
New
York, New York.
I flung the note out
of my hands, racing to my car. I stabbed the keys in and put my foot down on the
pedal. It was a matter of life or death. I didn't know what was heading my way. This is it.
I'm coming guys. I'm coming.
I'm coming guys. I'm coming.
To Be Continued...
The front door screeches as I walk into my house, with the lights turned off and nobody at sight. As the wind blows through the trees and midnight is approaching I hear a scream off into the distance. The wolves are howling in the forests and death has been awakened in a matter of seconds. I turn the lights on, that's when I see broken glass scattered on the floor and a trail of blood leading to my backyard. The night gets darker and darker with every step I take, the fear in my eyes gets intense, and all I can think of is what was coming my way.
To Be Continued...
Ooh... I like the suspense so far! This piece was fantastic overall, just a few things to consider changing, although it wouldn't matter if you changed them or not because they don't take away the idea development of the story. Anyway...
ReplyDelete-Look at finding another word for "scream." Overused.
-Evaluate the line "...the fear in my eyes get intense," first, GETS, second (just something to think about--) would you really be able to see the fear in your eyes? I nit pick in your pieces because they are just so good already!
-It's hard to say where this piece is going now, but try to make it an unusual because I feel like so far the beginning is kind of predictable... maybe that's just me :D
(By the way, I loved the way you put the line "and death has been awakenED in a matter of seconds," fit in the story PERFECTLY!) Great job overall, keep up the superior work! :)
Thanks for the suggestions! I was bored so then I just wrote something...But I'm glad you like it. And I need you to nit pick my writing it makes it better :)
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